About two weeks after we came home with Anna, I think I had a panic attack. I had a rush of emotion, realizing what God had provided for my family. Up until that moment, I had no recollection of the details of those days. I had been protected from the tidal wave of emotions that I should have felt. God had given me peace in the most crucial times, allowing me to ask intelligent questions, to be cognicent and aware of Anna's hourly progress, of the myriad of monitors and tests and meds. I was on autopilot (God had the wheel). But when we returned home, I was overwhelmed with what had happened. Even as I type this my heart races, remembering those days, I am reminded of how far we have come and of how much I had to lose. I am reminded that nothing is promised, nothing is guarenteed. I am reminded of a God who gives and a God who takes away. I am reminded that our plans do not always line up with God's will, and I am thankful that I have the assurances and promises I have found in God's word.
So I know much of the above was babble, but it is hard to describe the depth of how I feel blessed. I watch Anna run, jump, learn, love, and live. Every breath she takes is an absolute blessing handed to me from God. If you have never heard the song Oliviana by JJ Heller, search it on KLOVE.com and take a listen, a reminder of how things could have gone.
So a long awaited update on Anna's current status. In all of this we were blessed by an amazing man named Dr. Douglas Schneider. This man is the best doctor I have ever met. He genuinlly cared for Anna, he genuinlly cared for us. He took extra time to be sure we understood her condition, her options, and her procedures. He checked on her, he touched her, he touched us, he listened. When I finally reached him to ask advice about her current issue (whether to close the hole in her heart) he had not examined Anna for over two years (since he moved to KY). With no chart, no background from me, he remembered every detail of Anna's case. He willingly offered to review her most recent ultrasound, and he was as kind, and caring as I remembered. He asked if she still had those chubby cheeks, and commented that he guessed she was getting big! On top of it, he was calling me after his day was over, and she isn't even a current patient!
A few weeks later my waiting was complete. Another after hours call from Dr. Schneider. He had conveined his entire staff of cardiologists to review Anna's case. He relayed the unanimous opinion "to leave her be". Saying there was no sense in putting her through the procedure when she was a-symptomatic, and when in his opinion her hole would close on its own anyway. Then to top it off, he thanked ME for allowing him to review her case!! He said he would never forget Anna or us, that we made him feel like he was part of our family during those days, and that Anna was a miracle that he will never forget. I told him that he was a blessing from God and that he was awesome!
So even though I still have a fluttering heart, we have an answer. No procedure for now. Just let her grow and thrive.
My beautiful girl a blessing from God, she's growing and thriving and spurring us on. Reminding us daily of God's mercy and grace. A miracle, a reminder packaged in blond. Her heart gently murmers, a whisper from God, He is always with us, we are never alone.
Thank you God for Anna. I know she is a gift. Forgive me for the times I take a breath for granted. Remind me gently to live each moment in a way that will leave a legacy for tomorrow. Thank you, thank you for your mercy, grace and love.
