She Roars....She Speaks 2011

Different folks share their gifts in different ways.  I want to tell you about an amazing opportunity for anyone who has the desire to encourage others with their words, either spoken or written.  Lysa TerKeurst is giving away two scholarships to the She Speaks 2011 Convention.  You can find out how to enter here.  I would love the opportunity to touch the lives of other women, specifically other moms by sharing my words.  This opportunity is immeasurable...I need all the help I can get :) 

This is my entry

Lord, how did I become so volatile?  Sometimes it feels like my fuse is always lit.  This isn't who I thought I would be.  Help me be meek, help me find peace in the chaos.

Life happens, it's chaotic and rushed.  The demands of a large family are many and most days I feel as though my accomplishments are few.  My life is constant motion.  From the moment my two year old pokes me in the eye to wake me at 5:45 a.m. demanding a "nack", to the umpteenth time I return a child to bed each night, there is rarely a second for cognitive thought.  Sitting down is out of the question, unless I'm folding something...or changing someone's pants.  I don't even attempt to talk on the phone unless I'm in the car, and the problem with that is I can't run away if the noise reaches the obnoxious level.  Busy is an understatement.

To be clear, I L-O-V-E the opportunity to be at home, this is the life I choose.  But making the choice to be an at-home mom isn't the magic anecdote to glee filled happiness!  It is hard work.  It is about self-sacrifice and commitment.  Long days and yes, I admit, short fuses with episodes of roaring.  The fact that I want this doesn't always make it easy!

I recently discussed a particularly difficult morning with a dear friend.

"I can't believe I lost my temper over such a trivial offense"  I admitted, "It is so frustrating to know in your heart who you are and how you want to respond to these things, yet to be so weak and give into the to temptation to just roar!"

She touched my arm, tears welled in her eyes...."I had a bad morning too...I completely understand"  then the wisdom spewed out "sometimes we have to remember that this isn't TV, we aren't in a movie, this is real life with real people, and real frustrations....and sometimes....well we just have bad days".

Whoa.....back-up....did she just say she had a bad morning too??  Yep, she did!  Not only did she hear what I said....but she understood....without judgement!! Oh, how wonderful to be heard! 

Motherhood can be so very lonely, it is so easy to create unrealistic expectations for ourselves and our families and then when we fall short, we feel defeated.  We isolate ourselves, or hide our flaws in an attempt to appear "normal".  To have another mom, someone whom I admire and look to for advice be willing to share her weaknesses with me was so.... liberating.  She heard me, she had the courage to be transparent and in so doing she stirred a desire in me to speak too....well, write. 

I'm a pretty quiet person.   I tend to get nervous in conversation and I am easily distracted, so I don't say much.  But the truth is, I have a lot to say.  I just say it better in writing.   Writing it down is powerful...a complete thought, right there on the page.  Something in my day that I can actually see finished!  Plus I can go back and delete the stuff that sounds dumb....can't do that in conversation!   

Now add in the potential that someone else might feel the same way....someone else might need some liberation.  Unfortunately I believe that I do not have an isolated case of underground incognito roaring mama syndrome ....in fact I believe that it runs rampid among women in their childbearing years.  As I seek to lengthen my fuse, I have found great comfort in my new found pride of roaring moms.  Not content to give into the temptation to roar, but daily seeking God's wisdom and learning from each other how to manage the chaos of our days.

I thank God daily for his grace, as I seek the strength to be meek.

Jesus said, "My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness."

                                                                                                                        2 Corinthians 12:9