Character building was a large motivation behind our decision to homeschool. I am bold enough to speculate that integrity and character have become lost virtues. Children are constantly bombarded with subject matter that is beyond their maturity. Things they shouldn't see, words they shouldn't hear. Purity is lost, and never will it return. You cannot unsee things, you cannot unhear, but you can become desensitized and oblivious. Homeschooling was never merely about education, Aristotle said it like this,
Educating the mind without educating the heart is no education at all.
How do children discover who they are? I have oft wondered....who am I? There have been times in my life when I thought I had it all figured out. But in the pursuit of perfection I have often ended up lost, disillusioned. Getting caught up in what I should appear to be.... Afraid that who I was, wasn't good enough, smart enough, cool enough...that I would appear odd or strange. But my revelation, my truth is packaged perfectly in one of Cecil Murphy's aphorisms; I'd rather be disliked for who I am than to be admired for who I'm not. Be me, no illusions, no fronts, just me. I'm working on this. Being confident, bold, decisive, diligent. Uncommon and unafraid of what others think. I know that if anyone sees through a false exterior it is those we most love, our children, our husband. Am I who I want them to be? Again, I am working on it :)
My desire for my children is for them to understand from a young age what character is. Not just how it is defined on a page, but how it is applied in life. I have borrowed an amazing resource from the Duggar family, the operational definitions of character qualities . We spend a lot of time discussing different character qualities, learning what they mean, giving examples, practicing them in our lives. We have designated a cabinet in our kitchen "the character cabinet", last fall we cut out colorful fall leaves and each time one of the children displayed a positive character quality they received a leaf with their name and the quality written for everyone to see. Obedience, forgiveness, flexibility, creativity, patience, self-control adorned the door. Badges of character, a visible reminder of the good in them. As the children learn the definitions, understand certain qualities and the expectations associated with the word it is easy to not only point out when they display them, but also when they don't.
For example we have been working on obedience all year (likely will for the next 10!). But when I feel someone has been disobedient I simply say, "what is obedience?" and the immediate response is this "quickly, cheerfully, thoroughly". They understand the expectation, they understand their shortfall, and no lecture is needed (usually).
Confidence is key as well. Being grounded in who they are. It took me too many years to realize that who I am, is a child of God. Enough said. He knows every hair on my head and every care in my heart. He has great plans for me and he patiently continues to perfect the work he has begun. Thank you Lord for patience! My prayer is for my children to put the pieces together at an early age. To trust the Lord to direct their paths and for them to find joy in serving Him. Life is not without obstacles and I have never been naive enough to believe that we won't stumble. But I know they will find security in their faith by structuring their lives around that which is eternal and cannot be destroyed or taken away. John 6:27.
