Defined

daily; day after day after day
chaotic; completely confused or disordered
bliss; supreme happiness; utter joy or contentment

chaos crew

chaos crew

Thursday, April 18, 2013

Tiny Seeds

Almost a year ago we purchased an aloe plant at the garden center.  At the checkout there were little bags full of almond shaped red seeds. Wheat grass.  The kids insisted, so I splurged the extra $1.99 and tucked the baggy in my purse. 

It is sad, but they nestled in the depths of my purse for months.  Seasons changed and I emptied the contents of my brightly colored purse into one more suited for fall.  I was surprised to find the lost treasure amid the receipts and gum wrappers.  It was well past planting season, time to snuggle in for winter, so I tucked them away again, in the kitchen drawer.  We'd plant them in the spring.

My twice forgotten seeds emerged again last week.  Searching for a battery I encountered their ziplock housing.  Perfect timing, I was itching for a quick project.  Something to occupy a rainy April afternoon.  There were empty glass jars near the sink, I had the inkling I would need the for some random project....now they had a purpose.  I gathered the chaos crew and we discussed the fundamentals of growth.  Sun, water, soil, and air.  We hypothesized how long it would take to see a sprout, how tall the grass would grow, and what would happen if we forgot to give it water. 

The kids eagerly filled their jars with soil, grabbed handfuls of seeds and carefully pushed them into their new home.  They each took a turn adding water and marking their jars so they could brag about who had the fastest growing grass.  (in case you didn't know, EVERYTHING is a competition!  EVERYTHING).  We placed the jars in the sunlight and went off to finish schoolwork.  The jars were quickly forgotten, but it had been a nice break in a dreary day.

The next afternoon I stood at the sink rinsing veggies for dinner.  It was a sunny, bright day and I marvelled at how quickly the yard had turned from brown to green.  The rain had been just enough to change the pallette.  I then remembered the seeds.  I peeked in the jars and was astounded to see tiny sprouts had already appeared.  Just one day!  The crew was amazed at this, just a single day and new life was there.  Over the last week we have marveled at the rate at which the blades have grown, strong and green, bending a bit toward the light.  Through the sides of the glass you can see the white roots, digging in deep, stretching wide to hold the blades in tight. 

I can't ignore the similarities.  They were just little red seeds in need of some goodness.  With a little care, they sprouted into life, quickly they grew, with water and light their roots dug in deep, their arms stretched up high, reaching for the sun.  Aren't we the same.  Just little seeds in need of goodness.  With a little care and affection we grow, with a little love and guidance we blossom, we turn toward the light.  With encourament and nourishment our roots spread down deep, holding us firm.  It was only grass, a tiny insignificant seed, twice forgotten and hidden away, yet with the right combination of care, in 24 hours it was growing.  We are all created by an awesome God.  How wonderous it is to witness growth.  To nurture life.  How magnificent to fathom how our God cares for us.  How great is our responsibility to provide the nurturing so that our little ones might have strong roots, that they might reach for the light, that they might blossom.

We learned a lot from that grass.  It was an analogy to God in our lives.  Even a tiny seed can grow with proper care.  The grass has no conscience, so therefore cannot know God, but He still cares for it and provides for its needs.  Some people don't recognize God, yet He still loves them and provides for their needs.  AND, when you take the time to care for any seed properly, its roots will sink deep and its branches will spread wide.  It will eventually turn toward the light, the source of life. 

Tuesday, March 5, 2013

Judas' kiss

Have you ever really considered it?  Some commentaries believe Judas was chosen, that he was a hero of sorts, that he aided in God's plan, Hollywood exemplifies this character.  Others believe that Judas was never truly a believer, and although he returned the money he was paid for his betrayal.  He never truly accepted Christ in his heart or repented fully for his wrongs.  I often wondered if he was forgiven.   I came across this passage.
Before Jesus died, he made a prediction about Judas.
Matt 26:24 :The Son of Man will go just as it is written about him. But woe to that man who betrays the Son of Man! It would be better for him if he had not been born.” 
That doesn't sound good.
Anyone can feel bad and regret a choice.  That’s not exactly the same as trusting Christ.  So what I take from this is...The cross was necessary because of our sin.  The betrayal was key to that story.  We all betray God, we are human, we make daily mistakes.  The death and resurrection of Jesus Christ opened a door to salvation for every sinner.  BUT, there is a password.  Acceptance.  To be washed clean we must accept Him, welcome Him, love Him.  In this He will love us despite of us.  Despite of our lies, mistakes, awkwardness.  Despite of our hesitation and denials.  If we truly love Him and confess our sins, we can experience the grace and mercy of salvation.  He wants us all.  No one is too far, too gone, too wrong to be covered by his grace.  Even Judas had a chance. 

The song below sparked my inquiry.  It took my breath away considering how God must feel each time we deny and betray Him.  I know how it feels when my own children disrespect me.  And oh how much more does He love me than I love them!  To be loved in spite of me.  Reminds me to love others that way.  And be watchful of my heart, my words and my actions.  He loved Judas despite his actions, but did Judas truly love Him back?  The choice is there for each of us. 

I hope you will listen to the song from the link below.

Sidewalk Prophets: You Love Me Anyway

The question was raised
As my conscience fell
A silly, little lie
It didn't mean much
But it lingers still
In the corners of my mind

Still you call me to walk
On the edge of this world
To spread my dreams and fly
But the future's so far
My heart is so frail
I think I'd rather stay inside

But You love me anyway
It's like nothing in life that I've ever known
Yes, You love me anyway
Oh Lord, how You love me
How You love me

It took more than my strength
To simply be still
To seek but never find
All the reasons we change
The reasons I doubt
And why do loved ones have to die?

But You love me anyway

It's like nothing in life that I've ever known
Yes, You love me anyway
Oh Lord, how You love me

I am the thorn in Your crown
But You love me anyway
I am the sweat from Your brow
But You love me anyway
I am the nail in Your wrist
But You love me anyway
I am Judas' kissBut You love me anyway
See now, I am the man who yelled out from the crowd
For Your blood to be spilled on this earth shaking ground
Yes then, I turned away with this smile on my face
With this sin in my heart tried to bury Your grace
And then alone in the night, I still called out for You
So ashamed of my life, my life, my life


But You love me anyway
It's like nothing in life that I've ever known
Yes, You love me anyway
Oh Lord, how You love me

Friday, February 15, 2013

Mommy's Girls

Mommy's Girl

My little eyes
are watching,
my ears are listening too.
they take in
everything that
you say and do.

my little hands
are eager to do the
things you do.
i'm hoping and i'm
dreaming i'll grow
up just like you.

so be careful how
you teach me to
do the things you
do for someday
not so far away
i'll be grown up
just like you.

Patsy Gaut


What a responsibility it is to parent.  How convicting it is, to think they can inherit our bad.  As much as I want them to stay little, to never grow up, I know they will.  This poem reminds me to be intentional, to be transparent and good.  The song reminds me of how short the time is.  It also brings a great big smile, remembering my childhood...my dad's old Datsun, my teal blue walls...I hope their memories will bring smiles.  And I hope that time will crawl.  I love my girls.  So. Much. 




Thursday, February 14, 2013

First Love

It's love week.  Today is Valentine's day and all the gab is focused on love...and retail.  Oy.

I had the opportunity to share with our homeschool group this week about the origin of holidays.  Why do we celebrate these special days?  We discussed the big holidays, Christmas and Easter, Thanksgiving, 4th of July.  I had lots of raised hands and correct responses to the "why" do we celebrate.   We discussed how each family has different traditions and that some families don't celebrate certain holidays at all.  But the big question of the day is...   ....   ..... (haha, I cannot stand it when the reality shows do this and then they break off for a commercial).  The big question is... why do we celebrate Valentine's Day? 

Lots of noses scrunched up, heads cocked to the side and a few giggles erupted. 
A little voice called out "it is a holiday about love". 
"That's right", I say.  "But why, how did it start?"
There was silence, which is strange for a room full of elementary age kiddos.  Nobody knew the origin of this "love" holiday.  This works out well for me, since my lesson would have been wildly boring if they all already knew the reasons! 

I had done my research as I myself had no clue why we feed the economy on this 14th day of February.  There were some differing accounts of the history.  The basic theories all focus on a man named Valentine.  During this time in history the emperor of Rome had declared that no man in his army was to married, and he made it against the law.  (he thought bachelors made better soldiers, no attachments, no distractions) Of course these men and their loves did not stop loving each other, or wanting to find love, and so this Valentine man felt pity for them and married them in secret.  The accounts I read were sketchy on Valentine's authority, whether he was a priest, etc.  Well, of course the emperor got wind of these secret marriages and put Valentine in prison.  It is said that one of the prison guards had a daughter who would visit Valentine and bring him food. Some versions say she was blind, some that she was a child, others that she was not, some say there was a miracle and her vision was restored by Valentine's prayer, others say he fell in love with her.  It all comes down to the fact that he was sentenced to be...un-headed..., what a romantic tale.  He wrote a final letter to this girl/woman, and signed it "with love, your Valentine".  Yep, that's how it all came about.  I am sure there is more technicality to how it developed into a holiday, but the jist is that people were endeared to his parting words and started signing notes of love in the same matter, from "your Valentine". 

Minus the beheading, it is the story of a man who valued the right for young couples to find and profess love, and met his death because of his willingness to help them. I found a cute book The Story of Valentine's Day that summed all this up in a kid friendly manner minus the death.  The kids finally had a bit of history for the "love" holiday.

So today our society has deducted the history of the holiday.  It is meant as a day to share love.  Not a bad idea.  It is a bit over the top, too focused on the commercial giving of gifts and not enough on the actual giving of love. 

Our group talked about ways you can show someone you love them.  We came up with a long list.  Many were about gift giving, but others were about smiles, hugs, time, help, and friendship.  We decided you don't have to spend money to show someone that you love them. 

I wanted to finish my lesson with a parting thought.  Did Valentine "invent love"?  No.  We were loved first.  Long ago.  By a man on a cross.  By his father who sent him.  We are loved wholly and completely by a perfect God who wove us in our mother's wombs.  A God who sacrificed a son for our sins.  There is no formal mention of Valentine's day in the Bible.  But the resounding theme is LOVE.  That we are and that we should love. 

Some clever person found a clever coincidence in God's word.  I like to use this illustration to remind my kiddos that God is mingled in all we do, and we can find him anywhere, and He is everywhere.  He knew there would be a Valentine and it would evolve into a commercial circus of a holiday, but He gave a way to
link it to his word. 
So I hope on this day filled with chocolate and flowers, that you will take a second to remember that you were loved first, by a mighty God.  I hope that as you show others your love today, that you will share His love too.

Happy Valentine's Day friends!
Sarah

Thursday, February 7, 2013

The Sticks

The edges stretch a little further here.  I wasn't sure I could get over the loss of a river view, but somehow the colors here are brighter.  The sunsets painted over the field edges have a different type of light and they go on and on.  There is a crispness and freshness that makes me feel like I can breath a little deeper, live a little lighter.  The black fields are folded over with remnants of last years crop poking out here and there like little amber stakes.  Something new will grow there soon.  There's a sense of excitement with that. 

There is an old familiarity here.  The smells of the farm are a reminder of some of my best days....and a hope that my greatest joys of youth can be a reality for my children.  They miss the big red house, the library, grandparents around the corner.  It pulls at my heart to take that away.  But the facts are simple and plain and this is best.  They are enjoying decorating their new rooms, exploring the new yard.  The apple trees with their low lying branches have been a great adventure so far.  As the snow fades and spring erupts we will plot our backyard paradise.  Santa delivered a fine trampoline, a couple new bikes, a scooter and a skateboard (thankyou Santa).  There are gardens to be constructed and flowers to be planted.  A row of trees to shade the yard and block the wind.  A go-cart to be fixed by daddy with the help of little hands.  Plans for horse fence and a big shed for daddy's equipment.  Hours of tractor watching and the slow evolution of the fields coming to life around us. 

Today the rain will keep us in.  But it will replenish this ground.  It will spur up new green, brighter pastures.  The colors today are solemn, but magical.  A misty grey hovers, muting the shades of winter.  I am excited for the brightness of spring, but marvel at the beauty of this haze. 

Some days can feel dreary and hopeless.  Foggy, dull, bleak.  But those days spur on life.  Remind us that without the struggle, the rain, we can't find or appreciate the joy or the grace.  Yesterday was sunny weather, but a foggy day for me.  Ironically, today is bleak outside but I feel a bright light burning within.  I survived a day to top all days, and get to learn from it.  I get to hopefully do better today, be brighter, and stronger.  Today will be a snuggly, reading, cookie making kind of day.

So as the sun flirts with  the horizon this morning I find a smile.  A swelling from deep with the realization that I get a fresh start each morning.  That there is a God who loves me beyond my human condition, and a hope that I can, through trial and error, learn to be more like Him. 

2 Corinthians 12:8-9 “My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness.” Therefore I will boast all the more gladly of my weaknesses, so that the power of Christ may rest upon me.

My hope for you and yours: That you can find the sunshine even on cloudy days :)


Wednesday, January 30, 2013

Running....or not....an update and a confession

It's wintery out there.  A pallete of browns and golds covered in a blanket of white.  Not a good day for a run, however it's not really my excuse.  My last post started with the words "I am a runner"....I am currently NOT a runner.  I have not run for months.  I spent weeks and weeks, literal months prepping for the QC Marathon.  I was ready.  I was fit, I was up to 10 miles, I was SO excited and ready.  Then I was sick.  Weak with fever and stomach symptoms.  I couldn't eat and my muscles ached, I'd get dizzy from any exersion. 

I first considered that it was nerves.  It will pass.  I pleaded for it to pass.  It didn't pass.  I had to make a tough decision.  Run my first half marathon in less than peak condition....or not run at all.  Both sides of the argument were bummers.  On the one hand running sick could turn out completely disasterous...what if I couldn't finish, what if I were last, what if I finished, but it was such a horrible experience that I never wanted to do it again?  On the flip side, if I didn't do it at all I would feel like a quitter.  If I worked so hard and then didn't go for the prize then what was I teaching my kids?  What about Jami?  I was running off her inspiration....she did it in pain....shouldn't I?  It was a very crummy place to be. 

My hubby gave his two cents.  If I ran the race, I could likely end up sicker.  He didn't want to have to do all my work for me...who would take care of the kids, do the dishes, make the food, do the laundry?  He had already been picking up my slack for a week...he was ready for me to be better.  It was all in good fun, his comments, but he was right.  I listened, I conceded, I didn't run. 

I vowed to run my half before year's end.  I registered for a race in Galena.  A tough one, but I knew if I kept my conditioning up once I was better, that I would be ok.  So I continued to run once I was on the mend, but it wasn't the same.  My body was weaker, my time was scarcer, and my will was damaged.  Race day was a week away, and again I had a tough choice.  This time was easier.  A realization had set in.  As much as I enjoyed the runs, as much as I needed the time, it was far from a postition of priority in my life. 

Running was a pass time, a luxury if you will.  NOT a requirement.  Had I failed?  My only failure was in seeing a finished race as my only accomplishment of the year.  Am I disappointed?  It seeps in from time to time.  Will I run again?  I cannot wait.  Will I run a half marathon?  I don't know.  I am considering my motivations.  Is it about pride?  Accomplishment?  Sometimes having a goal to work toward is such a wonderful motivator, but sometimes it is a crippling deadline laced with stigma.  I'm not sure if I want my running to be measured by distances or times.  I love the challenge in it, but I think more that I love the freedom.  My biggest regret is claiming it for Jami, however, although I didn't compete in an official race, she was with my every footbeat on the road while I trained.  I think she would be proud of my attempt. 

As for my kids and what they have learned from this.  I hope they have learned that they come first.  Above all my projects and responsibilites, I will not sacrifice my time with them in liu of any race or pass time.
my would have been race number was picked up by a friend, it was accompanied by a sweet encouraging card, about a race she trained and trained for and never got to run....so thoughtful!

This was taken the day before the 1/2 marathon...laced up and ready to go, but sick.  Instead sat by and watched Ty and his soccer team enjoy the pool.  Oh well, there will be other races, but only one of this day that I cannot get back. 

Thursday, August 16, 2012

Running Wild

I am a runner.  Time and again I am asked, "why do you torture yourself like that?".  I get it, I used to see it as torture too.  I suffered many mysterious stomach flus and sore legs just prior to the first call for the the 3200m run in high school track!  I joined track to hang out with my friends, what was all this running about anyway!  I wasn't fast, so by default I was labeled a "distance" runner. There was no fire in my belly then.  At 15 I ran because my friends were in track. Unfortunately they were fast...so I could never keep up with them long enough to chat...and if I did, I was too out of breathe!  I'm glad I ran, for whatever reason I had at the time, but today I can see an evolution in my theory.  Today I run with a purpose and a shear love of it. 

In July of 2011 my friend Cindy posted about this ap she was using on her iPhone called Couch to 5K (c25k). She talked about how great she felt, and what a sense of accomplishment she had earned that day. So I searched it and downloaded it.  I found the below exerpt from a draft I never published last summer.

 I knew eight minutes would be a feat for me.  I'd been back in my running shoes for just 4 weeks and eight minutes straight was three minutes longer than I had gone in one stretch.  I know that sounds lame, but I am amazed at how age can slow you down. 

This glimpse back amazes me.  It motivates me.  It reminds me that we all take baby steps with much of what we do in this life.  One year ago I was fearful.  I doubted myself and my abilities.  I couldn't see in that small frame how much I would accomplish in a year...just a year ago I wasn't wild about running.  But today I am 39 days away from my first half marathon.  I can run 4 miles without walking, and I have completed a 5k and the 7mile Bix.  Last year I couldn't run a mile.  Today, I can and more.  Profile Picture

Now let me make something clear.  I am slow.  Painfully, pathetically slow.  But get this.  I am faster than someone who isn't running at all.  I am faster than I was last year, and I simply don't care about how fast I go, I only care about finishing the race.  I run to finish.

So much of my life is chaos, so much of my life is intermingled in the care of others, tending to the needs of a family, litterally running wild with errands, chores, schoolwork, phone calls, paperwork, meals, play, sports, and life.  Running is therapy.  Not always, but often when I can get out alone, it is the ONLY time I am alone.  Running is prayer time.  Running is peace.  Running is the one accomplishment I can feel or see in a day filled with laundry and dishes and messes.  I run for the achievement of it.  Oh, and running means I am guarenteed a shower (smile).

My friend Jami has MS.  Well, not officially, but she has symptoms associated with MS.  She was training for a half marathon when her symptoms started.  She is my former partner in crime turned spiritual mentor.  She is beautiful and strong. She changed my life by shining the light of Jesus into my world.  When she told me about her diagnosis, my heart was broken for her.  I thought to myself, "I want to run for her", and I decided I would run a half marathon because she couldn't.  Well, silly me.  This lady didn't need me to run for her, she decided she could do it herself.  And she did, she finished those 13.1 miles and she praised Jesus all the way.  She pretty much trumped any excuse I could think of making for why I "couldn't" run.  So, I run.  Each time I am tired and  I want to walk, I think of Jami.  I pray for her, and I keep going.  I run because I can.  You can read more about Jami's inspiring story at www.mymsmymightysavior.blogspot.com

Some days are harder than others.  I don't always want to lace up my shoes, but I never get back from a run and say I wish I hadn't accomplished that task today.  I wish I hadn't said those prayers, burned those calories, or breathed that air.  Sticking to a training program, also makes me valid.  How can I train my children to try their best, to finish a task, to do the hard things....if I don't do them myself.  Often they run with me, and the time with them is amazing.  Sharing a love for fitness, will hopefully stick with them.  The joy they experience from finishing a run, seeing that accomplishment, that is big.  That is life lesson stuff.  I run as an example.

My brother works at a store called Running Wild.  They sell shoes...running shoes.  Duh.  He has run wild his whole life.  Seriously!  But he is also a very talented runner and spent many hours working hard and training.  I stood on the sidelines of many races, and as all the people passed I would think "I should try running again too".  I wish I had stopped thinking about it sooner and actually bought a pair of shoes from my brother and hit the pavement.  This year my parents and kids got to watch four family members run the Bix.  My brother, his girlfriend Sara, me and my oldest son Ty.  We are awesome!  They smoked me.  But like I said, I finished the race and I did it with my son by my side. 

We are all running toward something.  Forgetting what is behind and straining toward what is ahead.  I press on toward the goal to win the prize for which God has called me heavenward in Christ Jesus.  Phillipians 3:13-14 Slow but sure, I will get there.  I will finish the race.  With each day I will get stronger, and as I look back on my life I hope I will see the baby steps in my faith, like my running, turn into broader things. 



If you are a Quad Cities area runner, or considering giving running a try check out this great group of women. facebook.com/groups/Qcsolesisters


Thursday, January 12, 2012

It's All In the Song

When God created the world, the morning stars sang together and all the angels shouted for joy
Job 38:7
Music says so much about who you are.  Chords and lyrics have a special way of moving our hearts.  King David played the harp to sooth Saul when he was distraught, and he wrote most of the songs in the Psalms.
 I recently had someone ponder whether a good Christian should listen to only Christian music.  It is an interesting question.  I've wondered it myself.  I've always had music in my life, and I've learned many a lesson from a song.   I think that music is a gift, to the listener, the composer, the writer, it is an outlet of creativity, imagination.  God gave us the ability to sing and play instruments, and the Bible refers to music again and again.   Songs can have a powerful impact. I think it boils down to the intent of the song as well as the listeners interpretation.   So I will defer to Steven Curtis Chapman here "Do everything you do to the glory of the one who made you".   

I started this blog for many reasons, one being, I want to have a record of who I am...what I believe in, something my kids might look back and and say, ah ha...that's why she did this or that...or ohhh, now it makes sense...I want them to know me....ME.

So music is a big part of my life.  My folks always had music on when I was growing up.  I remember my mom singing along with Stevie Nicks while riding in our old Pacer.  I thought she was a great singer (smile) I remember that still today.  My dad was/is a classic rock guy.  I was listening to 97X way before it was cool, everyone else was listening to 98.9 back when it was bubble gum pop!  Not me, dad had his Pink Floyd and Jethro Tull records on 24/7 when he was home.  All the classics, Santana, Zepplin, The Eagles.  I knew all the songs, I loved growing up in a house with a background melody always on.

I love music still today.  We always jam out in the car or at home while doing chores.  My phone has a MP3 player, and I chuckled the other day as I listened to my playlist.  It is very eclectic.  Mostly christian rock, some metal, blue grass, country, some acoustic tracks...they are all dear to me for some reason.  Hand picked out of the millions of options on Amazon.  So here is my thought...I wanted to go over each song...tell the story of how it came to be important enough to me, to include on my playlist.  I'm going to start today :)

Song #1
Cowboy Take Me Away ~ The Dixie Chicks~Fly

I said, "I wanna touch the earth
I wanna break it in my hands
I wanna grow something
Wild and unruly"

I wanna sleep on the hard ground
In the comfort of your arms
On a pillow of blue bonnets
In a blanket made of stars

Oh it sounds good to me

I say, "Cowboy take me away
Fly this girl as high as you can
Into the wild blue"
Set me free oh I pray
Closer to Heaven above and
Closer to you, closer to you

I wanna walk and not run
I wanna skip and not fall
I wanna look at the horizon
And not see a building standing tall

I wanna be the only one
For miles and miles
Except for maybe you
And your simple smile

Oh it sounds good to me
Yes it sounds so good to me

Cowboy take me away
Fly this girl as high as you can
Into the wild blue
Set me free oh I pray
Closer to Heaven above and
Closer to you, closer to you

I said, "I wanna touch the earth
I wanna break it in my hands
I wanna grow something
Wild and unruly"

Oh it sounds so good to me

Closer to you, closer to you

If you don't know this song, you should google it and listen!  If you know me, then there are already tons of clues as to why this hits home for me. The first stanza sums up so much.  I knew I could never have a desk job...it was nature or nothing....how little did I know that I wouldn't be taming unruly equine, but human children...my own.  I bought this CD when I was in my senior year of undergrad at SIU in Carbondale.  The best thing we had ever done was move away from home.  Free to find ourselves in the wild blue.  To learn to depend on each other.  To make new friends and find ourselves. 

So this song reminds me of a 20 something me, a girl not quite sure of who I was or where I was going, but having a heart for the freedom of nature, unobscured views, and my cowboy. 

I remember sleeping under the stars as a girl scout, of gardening with my folks, pulling weeds, eating the berries off the vine, the carrots out of the ground.  I knew I always wanted something like that.  No big cities for me...the wild blue, that is where I knew I belonged. 

I find it interesting how time changes our interpretation of lyrics.  Back then I was studying to be a horse breeder, pictured myself on a ranch somewhere out west.  My cowboy was my Matt, and my unruly was wild horses.  Today..my somewhere is right here, and my unruly is my children, my daily chaos....my bliss.  Today my cowboy is God, he was the only one who could set me free.Mattt to wear the hat or the boots anyway, he prefers camo and a ball cap.)  (So he was okay with the new cowboy in my life :) 

Thanks for a great song Dixie Chicks.  One of many. 

What are your favorite songs?  I would love to hear why, or even why you love this one too!

Monday, August 8, 2011

Martha, Martha

As I ascended up the stairs I could here my Thomas bellowing from his bed.  He was having a rough day, and managing his emotions had escaped the capacity of this fiery two year old.   I had walked away from his protests, knowing I was on the verge of anger, deciding to give myself a few seconds to gather some resolve before jumping into a whirlwind with him.  So up the stairs I went. 

I gathered the things I needed for an afternoon workout, socks, a hair tie, my running sneakers.  I replaced my glasses with contacts and trotted down the stairs.  Armed with a few fleeting minutes of quiet I prepared to put the wild man down for his nap and wash away some of my own frustrations with a good sweat.

Distracted by my thoughts I didn't even realize he had stopped screaming.  I rounded the corner to the living room and I was greeted by a blue eyed blond with her index finger to her lips.  She sat perched on Tommy's Harley Davidson rocking motorcycle (I know what happened to rocking horses, right?).  In her little kindergarten hands laid a favorite cloth book.  She read the last page and purposefully shut the book, clasping the Velcro latch. 

I stood there in amazement.

"Mama, Tommy was real sad about his nap, so I came to read to him"  she whispered.

"Oh Anna, that is such a kind thing to do!  You are so sweet and so helpful."

"It was easy Mama, I didn't even get finished with the first page and he was already sleepin!" she furrowed her brow in thought.  "I think he just needed me to be by him". 

Sometimes I overlook the obvious.  Sometimes I forget that in my busyness I don't take the time to sit.  I interpret his outbursts as misbehavior rather than pleas for attention.  I focus on me and my agenda instead of them and their needs. 

Life has many demands.  Each of us has many irons in the fire, plates that are overflowing and not enough arms or hours to complete all there is to be done.  It is easy to overlook the most rewarding work (quality time with the kiddos) in lieu of the most visible work (i.e. dishes, laundry and meals).  Sometimes I need to re-evaluate my priorities.

Anna saw clearly that her little brother just wanted her near.  She understood that spending time with him would calm him down. 

I am reminded of Mary and Martha.  Jesus said, "Martha, Martha, you are worried and upset about many things, but only one thing is needed.  Mary has chosen what is better, and it will not be taken away from her. 
Luke 10:40-42

Lord, it is a Martha world, I long to have a Mary heart.  Forgive me for serving myself and please help me to make my time with you and my time teaching my children about you a priority. 

Amen.

Thursday, July 28, 2011

Chasing Nickels

Sometimes I wonder if ten minutes can actually pass without a poke, a tease, a shout, an argument, or a dispute of some sort.  Strategic planning in seating assignments is now necessary for any close quarter arrangements i.e. car rides, meals, watching movies on the couch...sometimes just existing in one home.  Pre-meditated ridicule is on the daily menu and sometimes I wonder if we will all survive this stage...it is a stage...right?  Anyhow, I inevitably question my parenting skills.  Ask myself "where did I go wrong?" "How did I drop the ball on the whole idea of siblings without rivalry?" 

But now I smile as I think of my own childhood.  Just for visual acuracy it is a devient smile...the sort of self-satisfying...I know it was wrong but it was worth it sorta smile.  I smile in response to the memories of my brother toppling to the floor as a direct result of my foot placed in his path, or the times I snickered at him as he sat in time-out (he sat there a lot) and caused him to protest and have minutes added to his time. 

Ya, I know, not nice.  But I guess that's what kids do.  It was fun and it gives us a reason to laugh today...well I'm laughing...not sure about my tortured brother!  I guess I am still laughing at his mishap today. 

My fave story to tell about my brother Bryan, a.k.a. B, is the one about how I launched his running career.  You see B is eight years my junior.  Simple math proves that this is a bad deal for me as a sixteen year old.  This puts Bryan at 8 when I am in the midst of dating my highschool sweetheart/future husband.  He would never leave us alone.  (I am now convinced this was just great planning on my parent's behalf!)  So we resorted to reverse psychology and bribery, like any well intentioned teenager would do.

"Hey Bryan, I bet your not big enough to run all the way around the house!" I'd chide.

He'd untangle himself from around Matt's leg and chirp "uh-huh, but I don't wanna"

"I'll give you a nickle" I'd bride, "if you can do it".

He was gone.  Little legs just a truckin, one arm pumping (inside joke) blond bowl cut blowing in the breeze.  Pretty soon we'd hear him huffin and puffin around the corner, he'd emerge smiling from ear to ear. 

"Betcha can't do it again and faster this time" 

Off he'd go, around and around and around.  Poor kid.  He'd finally tucker out exhausted. 

"How much did I earn?" he'd ask.

Matt would ususally give him a couple coins from his pocket, but never was it the full booty of his effort.  Apparently he didn't count money yet, because he never complained! 

Needless to say, B went on to run cross country and track in high school.  He attended Mount Mercy College recruited to run cross country and track for them.  Today he manages a running store called Running Wild!  Coincidence?  I think not!  He owes it all to me right? 

Truth is when my little brother graduated from high school I gathered up all the nickels I could find and presented them to him in a clear plastic baggy.  He had earned them, and I was paying up on what I owed.  Well, minus my royalties and commissions.  He has accomplished a lot as a runner, as a person.  I am proud of him.  He will be running the Bix7 again on Saturday for the 10th time.

I guess maybe ridicule and rivalry are by-products of love.  I think of how my own children enjoy torturing one another with boogers and bugs.  How they love to tattle and trip and harrass.  I guess they must really love each other.  Someday they will have lots of great stories to tell...that is if we all survive each other! 

Good luck B!  Run fast :)


Me and B (Back when he was cute)


Friday, July 22, 2011

Open the Window





breeze blowing a curtain through an open window Royalty Free Stock PhotoSo I've been thinking a lot about circumstance lately.  It is so easy to live in our own little houses with all our windows closed and feel like what is happening in our "world" is SO important.  And don't get me wrong, it is important...but sometimes when you open up a window, even just pull back the curtain, you can easily be reminded that everyone is facing something.

A few weeks ago at our church's vacation Bible school I was introduced to a girl named Christina.  The kitchen crew had been preparing snacks for the children all morning while chatting about our summer schedules.  Each of us took turns listing the activities we had planned, the obligations we needed to fill and the unexpected things that kept invading our itinerary.....like dogs who kept chewing out their stitches and ring worm, and swimmer's ear, and flat tires and lost flip flops.  How humbling it was to meet this precious child.

Christina walked up to the counter and rested her elbows on the edge. She was probably twelve, a pretty girl, soft eyes, an infectious smile, but she looked wary, burdened. 

"Hi Christina" Miss Laury chirped in her contagious happy tone.  "I am so happy you are here!  Tell all these nice ladies what I told you!" she said smiling.

Miss Laury is a member of our church, and she was Christina's group leader that week, she had stopped in the kitchen to chat between rotations.

Christina looked down sheepishly, but the smile that took over her face was visible through her thick blond bangs.  "I can't" she said shyly, still looking down.

"Now look at me missy, I know you know I am right and I want you to tell everyone who will listen!" Miss Laury doesn't hold back!

Still smiling Chritina raised her head and looked at Miss Laury. 

"Tell them" Miss Laury insisted.

"Okay" she said, "I am special" she mumured shyly.

"What?" Miss Laury said, I didn't hear you clearly, and what else, that's not all?

This time louder, more confident Christina looked at us "I am special, and someday I am going to be somebody who makes a difference". 

"That's right sweety, and whatcha gonna do when you do that?" 

"I'm gonna find you and tell you" 

"And where are you gonna find me?"

"Right here at church she said"

A chorus of encouragement poured out of that kitchen, assuring her that she could do it and that we would all be praying for her and looking forward to meeting her again.

As she trotted off to join her group Miss Laury filled us in on Christina's story, and reminded us all that everyone is facing something.

Chirstiana returned to VBS that Thursday morning and announced she had endured a "bad" night.

From inside my window with the curtain shut tight I consider a bad night as one where I cannot get the kids to stay in bed, or when we get home so late from softball or soccer that there is barely time to bathe the kids before they should be in bed, or someone is up in the night interupting my sleep. 

Christina's bad night was different.  Turns out this twelve year old is the oldest of ~twelve children living in her house.  Most of them are not related, they are mostly children of her mom's friends and boyfriends.  Christina had disclosed to Laury that she is pretty much the caretaker of all the children, making sure they are fed and clothed, keeping what order she can.  She almost didn't come to VBS because she was worried about leaving the other kids behind at home. 

Her "bad" night started with one of the men in the house drunkendly yielding a loaded gun and threatening to kill everyone, he then capturing one of the dogs, putting it in a headlock and pointing the gun to its head.  This was followed up with police intervention and his eventual departure to a jail cell. 

I have a friend who has been seperated from her husband for a year, a neighbor whose grandson endured a debilitating seizure, a friend just diagnosed with breast cancer, a loved one with pre-cancer cells, another with a mono-mono twin pregnancy that is extremely high risk.  So many people are suffering.  My minor complaints sound like luxury compared to the circumstances of others.  Our personal troubles are not unimportant and they are not forgotten by God, but they are all relative.  If we are not willing to open our windows and see what others are facing it is easy to become consumed with our own struggles.  Christina helped me step out the front door and be more aware.  Gave me a desire to think less of self and more of others. 

I realize that I cannot always physically help all of these people.  I cannot always be available to provide for them.  But I can pray for them.  I can offer a word of support, send a card, listen.  The best thing I can do is open the window, step outside my door, cast aside my selfish desires and learn how to better serve others.  God has provided for me in so many ways.  I pray that I never lose track of all that i have been provided because I am currently comfortable. 


Lord thankyou for the blessings that you have bestowed on my house and my family.  Thank you for folks like Miss Laury, willing to win hearts for Jesus, for being bold and available, and persistent. Forgive me for my selfish oblivion. Please keep Christina, Logan, Mike, Deborah, Hannah,Carol, Jerry, Stacy, Teri, Amy and others who are facing trials close to you, so that might feel your hand.   Help me see outside my comfy home and use me where you need me.  Give me a heart that is willing to serve, less of me and more of others.   Amen.

Wednesday, June 22, 2011

A Miracle Packaged in Blond - Anna update




It has been five years to the day that we experienced Anna's first major heart procedure.  My own heart feels all fluttery and wild as I remember those moments.  Etched in a secluded place in my mind, are memories of how those hours and days crept by.  We trudged the halls of Peoria's Children's  Hospital for weeks.  In those days, I remember feeling no fear.  I know that sounds odd, my child was critically ill.  But I was not scared.  I was certain that God's plan was good.  I knew that He held Anna's life in His hand.  I distinctly remember releasing her life to Him.  We were in the surgical cath waiting room.  I remember silently praying these words, Lord, I know you love Anna more than I do.  I know that your plan for her is perfect and good.  Lord I pray that your plan for her won't have her leave this world before me, but if it is your will, I trust you.  Please help Matt find the peace I have found in your promises.  Amen.  I realize how lucky I am.  I am very aware that babies die.  I know too many moms who have children waiting for them in heaven, I feel more blessed than I can describe to have my Anna be a five year old today. 

About two weeks after we came home with Anna, I think I had a panic attack.  I had a rush of emotion, realizing what God had provided for my family.  Up until that moment, I had no recollection of the details of those days.  I had been protected from the tidal wave of emotions that I should have felt.  God had given me peace in the most crucial times, allowing me to ask intelligent questions, to be cognicent and aware of Anna's hourly progress, of the myriad of monitors and tests and meds.  I was on autopilot (God had the wheel).  But when we returned home, I was overwhelmed with what had happened.  Even as I type this my heart races, remembering those days, I am reminded of how far we have come and of how much I had to lose.  I am reminded that nothing is promised, nothing is guarenteed.  I am reminded of a God who gives and a God who takes away.  I am reminded that our plans do not always line up with God's will, and I am thankful that I have the assurances and promises I have found in God's word. 

So I know much of the above was babble, but it is hard to describe the depth of how I feel blessed.  I watch Anna run, jump, learn, love, and live.  Every breath she takes is an absolute blessing handed to me from God.  If you have never heard the song Oliviana by JJ Heller, search it on KLOVE.com and take a listen, a reminder of how things could have gone. 

So a long awaited update on Anna's current status.  In all of this we were blessed by an amazing man named Dr. Douglas Schneider.  This man is the best doctor I have ever met.  He genuinlly cared for Anna, he genuinlly cared for us.  He took extra time to be sure we understood her condition, her options, and her procedures.  He checked on her, he touched her, he touched us, he listened.  When I finally reached him to ask advice about her current issue (whether to close the hole in her heart) he had not examined Anna for over two years (since he moved to KY).  With no chart, no background from me, he remembered every detail of Anna's case.  He willingly offered to review her most recent ultrasound, and he was as kind, and caring as I remembered.  He asked if she still had those chubby cheeks, and commented that he guessed she was getting big!  On top of it, he was calling me after his day was over, and she isn't even a current patient!

A few weeks later my waiting was complete.  Another after hours call from Dr. Schneider.  He had conveined his entire staff of cardiologists to review Anna's case.  He relayed the unanimous opinion "to leave her be".  Saying there was no sense in putting her through the procedure when she was a-symptomatic, and when in his opinion her hole would close on its own anyway.  Then to top it off, he thanked ME for allowing him to review her case!!  He said he would never forget Anna or us, that we made him feel like he was part of our family during those days, and that Anna was a miracle that he will never forget.  I told him that he was a blessing from God and that he was awesome!

So even though I still have a fluttering heart, we have an answer.  No procedure for now.  Just let her grow and thrive. 

My beautiful girl a blessing from God, she's growing and thriving and spurring us on.  Reminding us daily of God's mercy and grace.  A miracle, a reminder packaged in blond.  Her heart gently murmers, a whisper from God, He is always  with us, we are never alone. 

Thank you God for Anna.  I know she is a gift.  Forgive me for the times I take a breath for granted.  Remind me gently to live each moment in a way that will leave a legacy for tomorrow.  Thank you, thank you for your mercy, grace and love.

Tuesday, May 31, 2011

A Quote for the Day

Well, chaos has been abundant here.  Time is fleeting.  It is almost Wednesday and it hit me early this morn that I am leaving for a three day home school conference on Thursday!  Yikes!  So this is a quicky. An update on us, we are good.  Alli has started softball games, keeping us busy two nights a week.  Tyler has finished spring soccer and is trying out for the traveling team next week (chaos multiplied).  Anna is obsessed with water and has a daily need to soak in the sprinkler, slip and slide or tub...generally in that order.  Thomas is....exhausting, but good.  He sneaks out the backdoor the instance you aren't looking and he L_O_V_E_S to be outside!  We are officially a self-employed family -go mudjacking!  Prayers for the biz phone to ring ring ring are much appreciated!  I have been writing away (no not here obviously for those of you who have been whining...thank you for missing this), but writing submissions for some upcoming publications...hoping someday someone who doesn't already love me, will love one of my manuscripts enough to publish it!  So prayers for that are much needed too!  Oh and we have a new baby.  I'll tell you more in a later post :)

so on to the quote. 

My cousins Sean and Emily are an amazingly beautiful couple.  They share the kind of love you read about.  Em graciously shared this quote that she read.  I love it. 

Love is about bottomless empathy, born out of the heart's revelation that another person is every bit as real as you are.  And this is why love, as I understand it, is always specific.  Trying ot love all of humanity may be a worthy endeavor, but in a funny way, it keeps the focus on the self, on the self's own moral or spiritual well-being.  Whereas, to love a specific person, and to identify with his or her struggles and joys as if they were your own, you have to surrender some of your self.

I love how God created one specific person to love me in a way that no one else can, to understand me, to put up with me, and to be my partner.  I love that in the process of learning to love another, we intertwine our branches and become one big strong tree, bearing each others burdens, sharing each others fears and enjoying each others accomplishments.  Thank you God for creating Eve for Adam, and seeing that it was good :) 

Blessings on you and the one's you love tonight.

Wednesday, May 4, 2011

My Brown Eyed Girl

I am long overdue for a post, but life is busy at the end of the homeschool year, the beginning of mudjacking season, and on the very special 7th birthday of our second born!  So although it is belated, this post is dedicated to my Allerina Ballerina.


We never find out the gender of our children in utero.  I love the suspense, the excitement, the guessing.  Mostly the torture it inflicts on the extended family and their desire to buy pink or blue...ha!  I knew, KNEW Ty was a boy.  Every ounce of me was sure.  I was right!  So the second pregnancy I was pretty sure again that I would have another boy.  I was literally shocked when Matt delivered our baby GIRL!  And once again, I was instantaneously, totally, completely, in love.  Every doubt about how I could love another as much as I loved my Ty...vanished.  There is no explanation, you just do.  In an instant your love is multiplied, not divided, multiplied. 


 Our Alli was/is a force to be reckoned with.  A beautiful, energetic girl.  A perfect baby, slept at night, rarely cried.  But as she grew in size she grew in energy as well.  Full of life, zeal, love.  There was two modes on her system, awake or asleep.  Some days it felt as though she never stopped moving from the moment her eyes popped open in the wee hours of the morning until the moment she was wrestled to bed at night.  Oh how I prayed for her little spirit.  On my knees by the side of her sleeping head, "Dear Lord, I pray for her fire to burn for you.  For all this energy in her little body to some day be used for your glory.  Help her find a lower gear, but to keep her fire for you!" 

She has grown into a marvelous little doll.  I adore her loving and giving heart.  She is on FIRE for the Lord, she relates everything to Jesus, and she teaches me each day how to love Him more as well.



I asked her in the weeks prior to her big #7, what sort of cake she would like this year.  Last year we did a castle, the year before was something princess as well.  This year, she wanted a Jesus birthday.  Yes she did.  My hearts bursts with joy to see her soar in His love.  The way she chooses to honor Him, to share the love of her Lord with others.  If only I could be more like my seven year old.  I pray she never losses her resolve.  That she continues to love and share and glorify Him. 

My beautiful brown eyed girl is growing up.  She is my affectionate, artistic, compassionate, energetic, committed, vibrant, confident, resilient, angel.  I love her dearly.  I thank God for allowing me to be her mommy.  How very blessed I am. 

Beautiful baby
You're sweeter than strawberry pie
Just like the morning
Your smile brings the sunshine
jj heller





Monday, April 18, 2011

Uncommon

Being uncommon comes with a price.  Usually at our own expense we strive to be anything but uncommon.  Here is why.  Some of the more common definitions and synonyms for uncommon are: odd, strange, peculiar, queer and unusual.  Most folks avoid being any of those things at any cost.  But dig a little deeper and you will find that some others are: above the ordinary, exceptional, remarkable, extraordinary & outstanding.  Are you willing to be uncommon?

Character building was a large motivation behind our decision to homeschool.  I am bold enough to speculate that integrity and character have become lost virtues.  Children are constantly bombarded with subject matter that is beyond their maturity.  Things they shouldn't see, words they shouldn't hear.  Purity is lost, and never will it return.  You cannot unsee things, you cannot unhear, but you can become desensitized and oblivious.  Homeschooling was never merely about education, Aristotle said it like this,
Educating the mind without educating the heart is no education at all.

How do children discover who they are?  I have oft wondered....who am I?  There have been times in my life when I thought I had it all figured out.  But in the pursuit of perfection I have often ended up lost, disillusioned.  Getting caught up in what I should appear to be....  Afraid that who I was, wasn't good enough, smart enough, cool enough...that I would appear odd or strange.  But my revelation, my truth is packaged perfectly in one of Cecil Murphy's aphorisms; I'd rather be disliked for who I am than to be admired for who I'm not.  Be me, no illusions, no fronts, just me.  I'm working on this.  Being confident, bold, decisive, diligent.  Uncommon and unafraid of what others think.  I know that if anyone sees through a false exterior it is those we most love, our children, our husband.  Am I who I want them to be?  Again, I am working on it :)

My desire for my children is for them to understand from a young age what character is.  Not just how it is defined on a page, but how it is applied in life.  I have borrowed an amazing resource from the Duggar family, the operational definitions of character qualities .  We spend a lot of time discussing different character qualities, learning what they mean, giving examples, practicing them in our lives.  We have designated a cabinet in our kitchen "the character cabinet", last fall we cut out colorful fall leaves and each time one of the children displayed a positive character quality they received a leaf with their name and the quality written for everyone to see.  Obedience, forgiveness, flexibility, creativity, patience, self-control adorned the door.  Badges of character, a visible reminder of the good in them.  As the children learn the definitions, understand certain qualities and the expectations associated with the word it is easy to not only point out when they display them, but also when they don't. 

For example we have been working on obedience all year (likely will for the next 10!).  But when I feel someone has been disobedient I simply say, "what is obedience?"  and the immediate response is this "quickly, cheerfully, thoroughly".  They understand the expectation, they understand their shortfall, and no lecture is needed (usually). 

Confidence is key as well.  Being grounded in who they are.  It took me too many years to realize that who I am, is a child of God.  Enough said.  He knows every hair on my head and every care in my heart.  He has great plans for me and he patiently continues to perfect the work he has begun.  Thank you Lord for patience!  My prayer is for my children to put the pieces together at an early age.  To trust the Lord to direct their paths and for them to find joy in serving Him.  Life is not without obstacles and I have never been naive enough to believe that we won't stumble.  But I know they will find security in their faith by structuring their lives around that which is eternal and cannot be destroyed or taken away.  John 6:27.

"In the end, character is the blend of inner courage, wisdom, and a sense of duty to yourself, to others, and to something greater than you.  In a common world, becoming an uncommon man begins by cultivating uncommon character."  Tony Dungee, Uncommon. 

Thursday, April 14, 2011

More Than Our Bad Days

It has been a rough week for the chaos crew.  Camaraderie, flexibility, diligence, teamwork...these are not words I would use to describe us this week.  Everyone seems to be surly and stubborn.  I was sure that as we welcomed the bright sun and extended outdoor play that the crabby, fidgety, whiney behavior would subside.  Not so.  Frown.  :(  Instead the desire to go outside and suck in nature has been replaced with the desire to never come back inside!  This new desire makes accomplishing the tasks of the day a bit of a challenge!  I am thrilled that my children love to be outdoors, but I didn't anticipate the strain it would put on our school day. 

In addition, the attitudes being displayed toward one another are down right terrible.  It is defeating for mama.  I have spent a great deal of time this year working on character.  So much has been accomplished, I am proud of my children and who they are.  But when things are bad, when attitudes are poor and moral is low, I take it personally.  Their behavior is a reflection of my performance....isn't it?

Matt always calls at lunchtime.  Today he may wish he hadn't.  The first sound he heard was the wailing cry of Thomas in the background who had been unhappy for 90% of his awake existence that day.  Tyler and Alli were picking at each other (in lieu of doing their schoolwork), Merik (daycare child) was insisting we not have green beans with lunch while Anna begged for chocolate milk, and lunch was fifteen minutes behind.  My van was in the shop and the cell phone guy was minutes away from arriving to my disaster zone house to switch my phone out for me.  (add that to the definition of chaos Mr. Webster)  As I relayed the turmoil my lovely man had the foresight to remind me, "Sarah, they are just kids, they are going to have bad days, just chill out and remember how great they are when they are behaving!"

"hmmm"

They are great kids.   I have bad days, display behavior I am not proud of (more than I care to admit) and the truth is, those days don't define me.  So back to my song obsession, I love the lyrics to You Are More by Tenth Avenue North
You are more than the choices that you make
You are more than the sum of your past mistakes
You are more than the problems you create
You've been remade
(That's from memory) so don't hold me to the words, but take a listen here: http://www.klove.com/music/artists/tenth-avenue-north/songs/you-are-more-lyrics.aspx

My dear, dear friend is raising a brood of boys.  She uses the analogy of a tree with their families parenting.  Often saying that she is raising good strong trees, with deep roots and strong branches.  I love this, the roots are what we plant at home, the deeper we dig, the more we water, the stronger the tree will stand in the storms.  The branches are who they are...the paths they will take, the talents they will pursue, the people they will touch, again, with strong roots these branches may bend and sway in the wind, but they will not break, they will remain strong.  They will produce much fruit, for His names sake. 

A favorite saying of mine




So on windy days, when we are bent and swayed to do the wrong thing, to make the wrong choice, I am reminded of the tree analogy.  And of my husband's wisdom.  They are just kids, they are still growing.  And although I may wish to take one of those little branches and pull it back and let it swing back to strike a little hinney, haha, joking.  They are not defined by the bad days, but by what is being planted and watered and grown in their souls.

We will muscle through the last month of school, enjoying the outside as an incentive.  Using bad behavior as an example of what not to do, and praying, praying, praying for sanity and patience!  (for us all)  All the while, thanking God for his grace, patience, and forgiveness in my own life.  Never forsaking me, despite all my baggage, all my mistakes, all my bad choices.  What a perfect love.

So go water some trees :)  and enjoy watching them grow. 

The photo is borrowed from my friend's blog (without permission) heehee.  Please take a look at her wonderful tales of mothering five amazing boys on her blog My Five Sonshttp://www.shawnellewrites.blogspot.com/

Wednesday, April 6, 2011

On the Same Frequency



I am in awe of the way that we are all created so unique, yet we occassionally run across others who ride the same wave in this life.  Through the years I have been blessed with amazing friends.  Friends whom God has placed in my life at the perfect time, for the perfect reasons. 

Have you ever been certain that you have conceived the same thought as someone at the exact same time, or actually said the same thing at the same moment?  Or have you thought of someone, "out of the blue" only to get a note or a call from them the next day?  Coincidence?  Nah, not if you ask me. 

My friend Nikki and I literally creep each other out, because these "coincidences" happen ALL the time.  One time we both said the word smurf at the same time...I hadn't seen a smurf since I was six, but somehow one day while joking around at work we both blurted it out!  I know that is a weird example, but it is a true story I promise! 

Other times with her and other friends I have had a particular person pop in my head.  Out of nowhere I will get a call from them!  Or I will call them and they will say, "wierd, I was just thinking of you!"  I used to brush these strange encounters off as coincidences myself, but the more I learn about the Lord and the Holy Spirit, the more I am aware of God using me, prompting me.

It has happened before that I have had a person enter my mind and thought, hmmmm, I should send them a note, or give a quick call.  Then the chaos of life interupts and I don't do it.  Days later when I actually get to the action, I find that they had a really bad day the other day, the day I was prompted to check in.  The day I was distracted, or simply too busy to listen.  The day that I could have helped....the one that had already passed. 

Often I am blessed to be on the reciprocating end.  Recieving a note, a call, an email, a blog comment, just at the right time.  Just when I am feeling down, just when I could use some light in my day.  I am so grateful for my friends who surf with me.  I am so thankful that God uses us to shed light, that when we are willing to not only listen, but to take action, we can brighten a day. 

To my amazing friends, the ones I talk to regualarly, the ones I only talk to every so often, the ones I don't see for this or that reason, the ones who I am blessed to see all the time, the ones whom I have never met in person.  Thank you for listening to my frequency and being on my chapter in the book, sometimes the same line of the same page, thank you for who you are, what you have done for me, and for always being there.  Thank you for accountability, encouragement, tough love, for laughs and tears, for shoulders and for reminding me to count my blessings.  You each have repeatedly listened and acted just when I need you. 

I encourage you today, don't ignore the promptings in your life.  Let God use you. I am also reminded that we are often prompted to show kindness to strangers, so go ahead and change someone's life today.  What do you have to lose?

Tuesday, April 5, 2011

Chaos Machine

So, I have decided that my Thomas is a chaos machine.  He is programmed to quickly and efficiently cause mass destruction, and chaos. 

Yesterday the chaos machine followed the below protocol:
  Eat one half bowl of oatmeal, fling remaining oatmeal at sister = cleaning mother
  Removing PJ's and diaper and chasing siblings while naked = disgusted shrieks and a puddle of piddle
  Use orange crayon to "draw" on Alli's math assignment = screaming sister
  Disassemble prized bionicle while on rouge mission in brother's room = raging brother
  Practice MMA on the ruff (kitty) (confused I know) = screeching mach speed cat retreat
  Reaching on kitchen counter to get a drink from sissy's cup = hair styled with apple juice & new outfit
  Running around living room with laundry hamper on head = hilarious photo ops
  Running around living room with laundry hamper on head = stacks of folded laundry...unfolded
  Stacks of folded laundry...unfolded = unhappy mama
  Exploratory mission under the couch = toddler chewing on AA battery
  Toddler chewing on AA battery = panicked daddy frantickly washing out mouth
  Toddler chewing on AA battery = toddler sleeping in parent's bed...at dad's insistance
  Toddler sleeping in bed = interupted sleep for mama and daddy, and a machine with a charged battery!
  Thomas the chaos machine = parents finding joy in the life of a healthy (though exhausting) child! 
I'd love to hear about your chaos machines too!  Such joy comes from knowing we are not alone!! 

Monday, April 4, 2011

Just a Mom

I love the warming weather, the opportunity to get out and breath in deep.  To open the windows wide and air out the stagnant winter air.  I spent a recent evening walking with some friends, discussing the ins and outs of the day when our topic turned to raising girls.  The three of us, have eleven children collectively.  Each with a mix of boys and girls. 

"Obviously boys and girls are different, but the way God hard-wired us with certain attributes is amazing!" one friend commented.

"I never had to teach my daughter to snuggle and care for her dollies, or my son to vrrroomm his trucks and love throwing balls".  added the other.

The next question traipses around in my brain regularly, guarded against the worldview, against my own insecurities, I keep it hidden.  But wrapped in the security of friends who love me, I ask.
"Is it wrong to encourage my daughters to be just moms?  If asked what they want to be when they grow up
their answers are clear and concise."

"I want to be a mommy."

I always wanted to be a mommy too.  There was never a shred of my existence that didn't know I would have children.  I always had a picture of a family.  But in our society, in our generation, this answer was juvenile and incomplete.  The rebuttal question was generally, "Well yes, but what else do you want to be?"  As if shaping the future generation was not an important enough job.  The world wants you to have status, letters behind our names, six-figure incomes...those are prizes deemed worthy of our efforts.  But just a mom, a simple housewife?  It's a lost art, it lacks ambition, it's a lazy escape, so they say. 

So, my pretty leather bound diploma was acquired.  I worked hard, I put in the hours, I worked my way up the ladder.  Blood, sweat and tears went into my degree.   Long nights, early mornings and frazzled nerves.  Six years, countless papers, quizzes, tests, experiments, hundreds of stalls mucked, horses fed, one wedding, one baby, and one thesis later I was a Master of Animal Science. 

Tyler hanging out at the barn

Year one post graduation, I moved my tiny family to Kansas.  The dream job.  Director of Horse Production at a small community college.  I had attained the dream.  Here lies the problem.  The dream wasn't the job.  The dream was the tiny family.  So the 24/7 responsibilities of being a horse farm manager, writing new curriculum, managing all my students, and being a mom....it wasn't working for me.  After all....all I ever wanted, was to be "just" a mom. 
My pretty little diploma adorns the third shelf of my china cabinet, tucked under a pie plate and some random birthday party supplies. 




My college days were an amazing time in mine and Matt's lives.  But looking back, I really think I learned more about how to be a mom, than I did about how to be a scientist.  Partly from the fact that I met my best friend and the best mom in the world there, Shanna.  And partly because I learned that what I was learning really doesn't matter in the big picture.   
 




  




I haven't ridden on or even touched a horse in nearly three years.  I still get all rubber-necked when we pass a horse farm, but more because I appreciate the beauty of God's creation than a longing for what once was.  Today the blood, sweat and tears, the long nights, early mornings and frazzled nerves are going into a product that will surpass this lifetime.  A small herd of God-loving, God-fearing believers who will shed light in dark places and continue a legacy that will strengthen with each generation. 

I've answered my own question.  "Yes it is okay"  I will be a cheerleader for my children no matter what.  But I will also always remind them to cling to their instincts, and focus on the bigger picture.  To hear God's voice and follow His will for their lives, and ultimately, to serve Him and serve others.  Only time will tell what this will look like, but today, I will teach them to cook and clean, to mend and organize, to love and laugh, and enjoy!

Me & Shanna